It’s important to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship, as over time this type of behaviour may start to feel normal.  If you ignore them, as your relationship develops this will lead to an abusive relationship.

If you are in a relationship without any trust, respect and affection this is not good, In fact, if you are in love with your partner and you put that love above these then you will allow your values and morals to be violated. The reason people tolerate an unhealthy relationship is because they have low self- esteem.

You may think your relationship is tricky but had you ever thought that you might actually be minimizing a potentially abusive relationship?

 

Warning signs of an unhealthy relationship:

 

1.     Are you walking on eggshells?

Are you afraid to bring up certain topics or issues as your partner is always angry and there is never a right moment to discuss?

Do they always have a strong reaction to certain issues?

Do you feel there is never a right time to discuss the issues within your relationship?

 

Are you more anxious when your partner is around?

 

Not being able to say what you really feel and worrying about your

partner’s reaction before you speak is not healthy.

 

2.     Dishonesty

Does your partner get angry or lie when you ask:

Where they have been?

Who they have spent time with?

How much money they have spent?

 

If someone is always making excuses for their bad behaviour and they have lied to you for a long time this could lead them to lying about cheating as they start to believe their own lies.

 

3.     Betrayal

If your partner has cheated on you, is disloyal or acts in an intentionally dishonest way but is a different person around others, this is not healthy

 

4.    Shaming

Is your partner always angry?

Do they blame and criticise other people?

Do they belittle or shame others?

These are not healthy traits. And shows the need to put others down to make them feel superior.

 

5.    Spending to solve problems

Do you find that when there is a major issue in your relationship that needs addressing it is then covered up with a generous gift or trip?

Thus deflecting the emphasis onto the excitement of something new rather than communicating about the main problem.

 

This means the problems never go away and the trust is never rebuilt but instead left with a partner who believes spending will solve things with no accountability or consequences. The other partner feeling ignored and unappreciated which inevitably leads to resentment and much bigger issues as time goes on.

 

6.    Gaslighting

This is when you’ve asked a simple question and you get these responses:

‘You’re over reacting’

‘You’re so sensitive’

‘You’re over emotional’

‘You just don’t understand’

‘You’re reading too much into it’

‘I never said that’

 

Gaslighting is when someone tries to manipulate you to gain power and control by twisting everything to being your problem.  When false information is presented making you doubt your own memory or perception. This inevitably leads to you losing confidence and even starting to question your sanity.

 

If talking to your partner leaves you feeling more confused, doubting yourself, feeling you are not good enough or even fearful then this is a very unhealthy situation.

 

7.     Lack of balance

A relationship is equal between two people it is not healthy when one person has or believes they have more power and control than you in the relationship and they feel their needs are more important than yours - this can only happen when you have actually given your power away.

 

8.     Emotional support

You don’t feel as if you’re getting the emotional support from your partner. You should both be able to support each other.

 

9.     Compromise

Do you feel your partner has never compromised so that you can take up a good opportunity?

Over time has compromise become a sacrifice?

 

10. Manipulation

Has your partner given you the silent treatment to try to influence your feelings to get their own way?

Are you the one that always apologies to smooth things over?

Has your partner talked you into doing things you are not comfortable with?

 

11. Are you yourself?

Are you able to actually be your true self around your partner?

Or do you find you are becoming someone you don’t recognise as you try not to rock the boat?

 

12. Co-dependency

Do you constantly put the needs of your partner before your own and feel you have lost your sense of independence?

 

13. Isolation

If you feel that over time your partner has taken you away from your family and friends by criticising those close to you and convincing you they are not good to be with, until you end up with little support around you.

 

 

Sadly you will never change a toxic person however hard you try, they will just choose another victim and continue to blame everyone else.

 

Truth and trust are the essential binding of any healthy relationship which then offers a safe place for you to be yourself and to grow as a person.

 

Leaving a toxic relationship has to be a carefully navigated and you will need specialist help with a coach to cope with the separation and divorce process.. Especially as the abuse may heighten on separation, once you are no longer under their control and they may try to control through financial abuse, bullying and intimidation. Trust your ‘gut’ instinct and act immediately to get the help and advice you need if you feel your relationship isn't right. There are also some great charities to give you specialist help such as the Dash charity and the national UK DV helpline 0808 2000 247 to find a charity close to you.

It's important to know this is not your fault and you can get through this by taking small steps that will lead towards the happy and fulfilling future you deserve..